I avoided the world for over fifty years
But…
What I was really avoiding was myself
You see I was scared of being disappointed
Or let down if I said what I wanted
Or I got my hands dirty
I was scared of my power
Or lack of it
I was scared of being seen
And scared of not being seen
I had no idea about money
Raised by an absent father
Who offered me fear and avoidance
As a countenance to sex and money
And a very loving but broken mother
Who modeled suppressed rage
And resentful acquiescence
I lived in a world of wanting to be saved
By mummy, by life, by drugs, by music
Anything but take charge of my own life
And meet both myself and whatever God throws at us
But now, sitting here in Santa Fe,
Facing yet another choppy part of the ocean
I have changed, I have deepened, and matured
I am in the world, but not of the world,
I face myself daily
I meet the phenomenal world moment by moment
I am here, naked and empty,
Able to withstand the waves and the near drowning
I am not looking to be saved
Or looking for mummy or daddy
They are free to be who they were
I left it late to shine, now sixty two long years,
But the years in the darkness
Have not dimmed the light
They have made that light blazing and brilliant
Thank you for being here with me.
Beautiful and such heartfelt words that resonate with so many of us i am sure. Happy birth day to you Kavi. 💜
Wishing you the happiest birthday, Kavi 🙏❤️