When I was 16 years old my family life collapsed and ended in a volcanic and destructive meltdown on one auspicious day, after a build up of years.
My mother had a breakdown and ended up in mental hospital unable to function. She never really recovered.
My father left to move in with his affair woman. He carried his guilt for the rest of his life.
My brother found refuge with his girlfriend’s family.
Our dog Rufus was dead a few months earlier.
And I moved into a caravan on a bleak and windswept farm run by a woman called ‘mad Pam,’ owing to the fact that she was a delusional pill freak who was, I guess, out of control.
So was I. So were the other crazy folks I shared the caravan with.
That was the start of my life away from home.
When I think about it from here I laugh and cry at the same time. In many ways it was the perfect beginning.
Here are some poems.
There are two journeys First to heal our inherited ancestral burden Second to realize our true nature beyond all ancestry... They are interwoven. --------------------------- When the exhaustion Of trying to be a someone Finally wears you down Fall into the emptiness Of no-one and nothing It sounds terrifying But it is really such relief. ---------------------------- As the shell cracked open The truth spilled out All over the place At first it was terrible But after the first deluge And the great drama that accompanied it It settled down And became Delicious in its honesty. ----------------------------- Love, divest of its conditionality Is a doorway to the vastness of the universe And the beauty of the soul A window to joy And the profound grief that feeds all life If you go through it Your eyes will open To the depth of life And purge you Of all that stands In the way Of your own vast nakedness. ------------------------------- Each step is taken In the light of awareness Or the distraction of mind Be awake as the sky Not lost as the clouds. ----------------------------- While ego shouts Desperate for validation Needing to be important Wisdom sits quietly Needing nothing Content with the silence of being And the awareness of illusion. ------------------------------ Come home, come home, beloved Turn around and come home There is such a sweetness that awaits you When you discover that all this searching Only led you to your own door. ---------------------------- They were in a beautiful garden With a beautiful fruit tree And they ate of that tree And fell deeply asleep And while they slept A dream did come upon them They believed to be true And when they awoke They saw they had never left That beautiful garden With that beautiful tree. ----------------------------- Spirit is of eternity Body is of time It’s possible to love both Without attachment to either. ---------------------------- There is a quietness you can know Found by listening From a softer and softer place As though you were listening From falling into eternity. ------------------------------
I have new music available.
All of this music has been played as spontaneously as possible. The vocal tracks have had a bit of extra work, but as little as possible to keep them true to their essence.
All this music was inspired by what I played at the concert during our beautiful retreat in Utah. I am very happy it touched people, it was a delight to offer it, and a joy to write some new songs especially for the gathering.
It is available in 3 ways.
The whole collection, instrumentals and songs.
Just the songs.
Just the instrumentals.
Thanks for reading. Oh and Happy Christmas to you. May you be well and may you find your own groove.
....delicious in its honesty
Thank you so much Kavi for sharing a little of your story. The first poem touched me deeply. Very timely also. Love and hugs. Xx